cami halıları İster eşyalarınıza bağlı kalarak uyumlu bir bütünlük elde edebilir, isterseniz de farklı parçalardan yana tercih yaparak evinizi eklektik stille döşeyebilirsiniz.. Zemin kaplaması olarak halı kullanmayan bir otel artık düşünülemez. Cami halısında rahat yıkanabilirlik ve yıkamadan sonra canlı renkler son derece önemlidir. Halı Fiyatları farklı türlerde beğeniye sunulan halıların fiyat seçenekleri; iplik kalitesine, tasarımına ve dokuma şekillerine göre değişiklik gösterir. İstediğiniz boyutlarda da Cami Halısı üretebilen Halı Cenneti müşteri memnuniyetine önem veren çalışma prensibiyle, satış sonrası teknik destekde de büyük hassasiyet göstermektedir. Günümüzde halı ve halı ürünleri oteller için vazgeçilmez bir hal almışlardır. Hemen hemen tüm oteller zemin kaplamasında halıya öncelik veriyorlar. Cami Halısı alırken tercih edilen en önemli unsurlardan biri de ödeme imkanlarıdır. Ancak aralarından bir seçim yaparak, yaşam alanlarınıza yeni bakışlar kazandırabilirsiniz. Özel tasarımlı Cami Halılarını ortalama 2 hafta gibi kısa bir sürede montaja hazır hale getiriyoruz. Klasik, modern, Vintage ve Country gibi daha birçok ev stiline uygun halı çeşidi dizayn ediliyor. Dekoratif ürünler arasında yer alan halı modelleri, evin havası üzerinde büyük işlev görmektedir. Üretimini ve satışını yapmış olduğumuz Cami Halıları kolay birşekilde temizlenmekle birlikte çabuk deforme olmayan özel iplikler sayesinde renkleri solmamaktadır. Fakat halı fiyatları, uygun aralıklarda olduğu için her müşterinin alım gücüne hitap eder. Süpürme ve yıkma performansı yüksek olan cami halılarımızı Türkiyenin her bölgesine hızlı şekilde montajını yapmaktayız. Kullanacağınız odanın genişliğine göre küçük, orta veya büyük boy modele yer verebilirsiniz. Otel Halısı seçiminde dikkat edilen hususlar bir otele halı seçerken ürünün hem kullanım yerine uygun olmasına hem de işlevsel ihtiyaçlara cevap verebilmesine özen gösterilir. Otellerde her alanın duvardan duvara halıyla kaplı olması, otel içi ısının korunmasına ve ses yalıtımının desteklenerek, iç huzurun sağlanması anlamına gelmektedir. Halı çeşitleri, stillerine, modellerine ve dekorasyon trendlerine bağlı olarak günbegün artmaktadır. Cami halılarının süpürme, temizleme ve yıkama işlermlerini, yerinde yapabilmenizle beraber kaldırıp başka bir mekanda da halledebilirsiniz. Bu tür halılar özellikle kontrat uygulamalarında ön plana çıkarlar. Üretimdeki ve ödemelerdeki en uygun cami halısı fiyatları ile sektördeki dengeleri değiştirebilen Halı Cenneti Cami halısının üretmenin bir uzmanlık gerektirdiğini yıllar önce farkederek bu alanda dikkat çeken firmalar arasında girmektedir. Dolayısıyla otel gibi yerlerde kullanılan halılar kontrat halılar olarak da adlandırılır. Otellerde çoğunlukla duvardan duvara halılar kullanılır. Evin boyutuna özel farklı ebatlarda tasarlanan modeller, yaşam alanlarınıza estetik bir hava katıyor. Kendi zevkinize uygun modellere yönelerek, dekorasyonunuza yaratıcı bir bakış açısı getirebilirsiniz. Kullanılan halının kalitesine göre otelinde saygınlığı ve prestiji artıyor. Halı Cenneti, yaptığı hizmetlerle ciddi yatırımlarla Cami halısı sektöründe ayrı bir konumda bulunmakla beraber, cami halısı fiyatlarındaki gücüyle de tercih edilmektedir. Tasarım zevkinize uygun şekilde seçeceğiniz halılar ile evinizde uyumlu bir bütünlük yaratabilirsiniz. Evin her bölümüne uygun şekilde dizayn edilen ev halısı modelleri, diğer dekoratif eşyalarla ile beraber daha göz kamaştırıcı bir şıklık sergiler. Bir zemin kaplaması tipi olarak halı ve halı ürünleri günümüzde otellerin olmazsa olmaz parçaları haline geldiler. Bu noktada devreye giren otel halısı üreticisi Halı Cenneti, uygulaması yapılacak olan bölgeyi derinlemesine analiz ederek, en uygun şekilde verim alabilmesinde yardımcı olmaktadır. Otellerde halı kullanımı bir hayli yaygınlaştı ki artık bir otelin prestijini gözle görünür birşekilde belirleyen unsurların arasında sahip olunan otel halıları kalitesi de yer alıyor
Evin her bölümüne uygun şekilde dizayn edilen ev halısı modelleri, diğer dekoratif eşyalarla ile beraber daha göz kamaştırıcı bir şıklık sergiler. Halı Cenneti Saflı Cami Halısı Zemin kaplaması olarak halı kullanmayan bir otel artık düşünülemez. Halı Fiyatları farklı türlerde beğeniye sunulan halıların fiyat seçenekleri; iplik kalitesine, tasarımına ve dokuma şekillerine göre değişiklik gösterir. Halı Cenneti, yaptığı hizmetlerle ciddi yatırımlarla Cami halısı sektöründe ayrı bir konumda bulunmakla beraber, cami halısı fiyatlarındaki gücüyle de tercih edilmektedir. İstediğiniz boyutlarda da Cami Halısı üretebilen Halı Cenneti müşteri memnuniyetine önem veren çalışma prensibiyle, satış sonrası teknik destekde de büyük hassasiyet göstermektedir. Cami Halısı alırken tercih edilen en önemli unsurlardan biri de ödeme imkanlarıdır. Otellerde çoğunlukla duvardan duvara halılar kullanılır. Evin boyutuna özel farklı ebatlarda tasarlanan modeller, yaşam alanlarınıza estetik bir hava katıyor. Otellerde her alanın duvardan duvara halıyla kaplı olması, otel içi ısının korunmasına ve ses yalıtımının desteklenerek, iç huzurun sağlanması anlamına gelmektedir. Otel Halısı seçiminde dikkat edilen hususlar bir otele halı seçerken ürünün hem kullanım yerine uygun olmasına hem de işlevsel ihtiyaçlara cevap verebilmesine özen gösterilir. Halı çeşitleri, stillerine, modellerine ve dekorasyon trendlerine bağlı olarak günbegün artmaktadır. Bu tür halılar özellikle kontrat uygulamalarında ön plana çıkarlar. Kullanacağınız odanın genişliğine göre küçük, orta veya büyük boy modele yer verebilirsiniz. Dolayısıyla otel gibi yerlerde kullanılan halılar kontrat halılar olarak da adlandırılır. Klasik, modern, Vintage ve Country gibi daha birçok ev stiline uygun halı çeşidi dizayn ediliyor. Üretimini ve satışını yapmış olduğumuz Cami Halıları kolay birşekilde temizlenmekle birlikte çabuk deforme olmayan özel iplikler sayesinde renkleri solmamaktadır. Kullanılan halının kalitesine göre otelinde saygınlığı ve prestiji artıyor. Cami halılarının süpürme, temizleme ve yıkama işlermlerini, yerinde yapabilmenizle beraber kaldırıp başka bir mekanda da halledebilirsiniz. Üretimdeki ve ödemelerdeki en uygun cami halısı fiyatları ile sektördeki dengeleri değiştirebilen Halı Cenneti Cami halısının üretmenin bir uzmanlık gerektirdiğini yıllar önce farkederek bu alanda dikkat çeken firmalar arasında girmektedir. Kendi zevkinize uygun modellere yönelerek, dekorasyonunuza yaratıcı bir bakış açısı getirebilirsiniz. Fakat halı fiyatları, uygun aralıklarda olduğu için her müşterinin alım gücüne hitap eder. Bir zemin kaplaması tipi olarak halı ve halı ürünleri günümüzde otellerin olmazsa olmaz parçaları haline geldiler. Otellerde halı kullanımı bir hayli yaygınlaştı ki artık bir otelin prestijini gözle görünür birşekilde belirleyen unsurların arasında sahip olunan otel halıları kalitesi de yer alıyor. Ancak aralarından bir seçim yaparak, yaşam alanlarınıza yeni bakışlar kazandırabilirsiniz. Cami halısında rahat yıkanabilirlik ve yıkamadan sonra canlı renkler son derece önemlidir. Günümüzde halı ve halı ürünleri oteller için vazgeçilmez bir hal almışlardır. Dekoratif ürünler arasında yer alan halı modelleri, evin havası üzerinde büyük işlev görmektedir. Tasarım zevkinize uygun şekilde seçeceğiniz halılar ile evinizde uyumlu bir bütünlük yaratabilirsiniz. Süpürme ve yıkma performansı yüksek olan cami halılarımızı Türkiyenin her bölgesine hızlı şekilde montajını yapmaktayız. İster eşyalarınıza bağlı kalarak uyumlu bir bütünlük elde edebilir, isterseniz de farklı parçalardan yana tercih yaparak evinizi eklektik stille döşeyebilirsiniz.. Özel tasarımlı Cami Halılarını ortalama 2 hafta gibi kısa bir sürede montaja hazır hale getiriyoruz. Hemen hemen tüm oteller zemin kaplamasında halıya öncelik veriyorlar. Bu noktada devreye giren otel halısı üreticisi Halı Cenneti, uygulaması yapılacak olan bölgeyi derinlemesine analiz ederek, en uygun şekilde verim alabilmesinde yardımcı olmaktadır
James Woodworth, Cambridge. UK
We have all heard statements along the lines of; ‘It doesn’t matter how many times you fall … what does matters is how many times you stand up, shake it off and keep moving forward.’ This is an admirable attitude indeed – it reminds us that life can be challenging at times and that each-and-every one of us will face setbacks from time to time and, moreover that it isn’t the number of times we get knocked down that matters but the number of times we get back up again.
The above quote is a comment on the importance of resilience – a life skill described as the ability to bounce back from adversity. Examples of the kind of adverse events a resilient person may find themselves bouncing back from would be; the breakdown of a relationship, financial hardship, redundancy, serious illness, losing one’s home, being physically assaulted, death of a loved one, and so on. Some people will recovery slowly from such events, some people may not recovery at all – resilient people will recover quickly.
The ability to recovery quickly is good, but so is the ability to learn from our experiences – failing to learn valuable lessons following a set-back could result in us continuing to get knocked down when staying on our feet, under such circumstances, might be a better option for us! So, perhaps it does matter how many times we get knocked down if being constantly knocked down means we’re not learning from our experiences.
That said, resilience is an excellent life skill to have, there is no question about it. I like the idea of resilience and I have written favourably on the topic on numerous occasions. I am struck, however by the emphasis that is placed on resilience simply being the ability to ‘bounce back’ from adversity. And I’m wondering whether there are other psychological skills we could develop to help us succeed in the face of adversity in addition to resilience and its bounce-backability.
There is something to be said, I’m sure, for our ability, not only to bounce-back from adversity but in ‘staying on our feet’ during challenging times, a skill I’m sure we could all learn to do as we reflect on what resulted in us being knocked down in the first place.
When I think about resilience and the ‘bounce-backability’ associated with it I find myself thinking of a bobo doll, that weighted, pear-shaped doll that rolls back up into an upright position after being knocked over. The bobo doll is a bit like a boxer who despite being knocked down time and time again keeps getting up. A boxer, such as this, possesses a number of admirable qualities such as courage, determination, and of course resilience but the problem is he keeps getting knocked down! He may of course get up and win but then again, he may not. Now let’s imagine, for a moment the opponent he is fighting. This particular boxer stays on his feet throughout the fight. He avoids being hit while simultaneously hitting his opponent which eventually leads him to winning the fight. This boxer also shows a number of admirable qualities – characteristics which keep him on his feet until he succeeds in his desire to win. He is a champion boxer who weights up the odds and triumphs over them. Who would you rather be – a boxer who keeps getting up no matter how many times he is knocked down or the one who stays on his feet?
A winning boxer may avoid being hit but he isn’t avoiding being in a fight. What interests me about this metaphor is the way a champion boxer can engage fully in what is clearly a challenging and demanding event – a boxing match while at the same time dealing with the event in a positive, empowering way. In refusing to give in to the pressure of the event he too is showing resilience but he is also showing a number of additional qualities – so the question is, what additional qualities along with resilience could help us deal with the challenges of life?
Psychologist Angela Duckworth (2016) is fascinated by what determines success in life – why some people, when confronted by a difficult or challenging situation will succeed while others give up. Her research suggests that it isn’t simply how bright or intelligent a person is, it’s not talent or ability alone that determines whether a person will succeed in life or not – its GRIT! So, what is grit?
Grit is a personality trait possessed by individuals who show tremendous motivation and determination to achieve the goals they set themselves in life and they continue to show these traits despite the obstacles, barriers or distractions they may face. There are two defining characteristics gritty people have;
- a passion about the learning journey they are on, and;
- the ability to persevere until the goal they set themselves is achieved.
Gritty individuals also show tremendous self-control – they are able, in other words, to manage their thinking and emotions well. It’s self-control that enables these individuals to avoid distractions and the temptation to give up when the going gets tough. Gritty people, in other words, have excellent ‘stick-ability’ – they understand that the journey we take through life won’t be an easy one and that in order to achieve our potential we need to show tremendous determination and the ability to stick to the task in hand until the job is done. Life, in this sense, is more like a marathon, then the 100 metres.
Grit’s about persisting in the face of adversity as opposed to simply bouncing-back from it – it’s about being consistent particularly during periods of great change and uncertainty. Grit grows out of the beliefs an individual has about their ability to achieve particular goals even when the odds are against them. Gritty individuals believe in themselves and in their ability to achieve – they don’t blame others when things go wrong, they take responsibility for their actions and they learn from their experiences particularly when things go wrong. Those with grit learn, in other words, from their mistakes – failure is never an excuse to give up; on the contrary, it’s an opportunity to learn, improve and get better.
Another psychological quality worth having, in addition to resilience and grit is the ability to thrive. Thriving can be defined as the ability to experience life in an optimistic, confident, empowering way. Thriving people are positive, confident and psychologically robust – they accept that life can be tough at times but this isn’t to say that the difficulties of life should be avoided. On the contrary, thriving people face up to the challenges of life knowing they have the skills and resources needed to deal with whatever life throws at them. Thriving people certainly have the resilience and grit needed to achieve and succeed in life but they also have so much more.
Thriving people believe they are fundamentally responsible for the course their lives takes. Those who thrive, in other words, feel in control of their thoughts and feelings – life, in other words, is understood to be something that isn’t ‘happening to them’ but something they create through the way they choose to think and feel. Thriving is about managing our thinking and emotions well and it is this ability thrivers have to manage their thinking well that enables them to take control of their lives.
The good news is we can all learn to thrive. People aren’t born knowing how to thrive, it’s a skill we can all learn. Learning to thrive gives us the skills and resources we need to manage our thinking well in potentially difficult times – this in turn reinforces the empowering belief that, not only can we deal with adversity but that adversity doesn’t have keep knocking us down. On the contrary, believing we are indeed in control of our thoughts creates the belief that, not only can we stand up to, and confront adversity but we can ultimately triumph over it. We wouldn’t get knocked down during times of difficulty if we genuinely believed in our ability to stand up to and deal with the difficulties life throws at us which is what thriving is all about. And every time we stay on our feet during times of difficult, even if we do wobble at bit reinforces within us the empowering belief that we can, indeed control of our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. The ability to bounce-back is good, having passion and perseverance is great but thriving is better.
Postscript: a word about relapse.
Psychologists Prochaska, Norcross, & DiClemente, (1995 ) offer what they call the six-stage programme of change. The process starts with the precontemplation stage – the person, at this stage of the change process may be aware they have a problem but they have no intention, at this point of changing their behaviour. However, the person at some point in the future will move to the second stage of the process – the contemplation stage. During this stage the person in question continues to be aware they have a problem but they still have no intention of changing, however, at least they are aware and, more importantly they are beginning to think about changing! The third stage of the change process is the preparation stage. The person is no longer simply thinking about changing – they have actually decided to change their behaviour, they seek out a professional helper and make a commitment to work with this practitioner. The person feels focused and motivated – they begin to believe in their ability to change, and having made this commitment, the person now enters the fourth stage, the action stage, so called because the person has actively changed their behaviour. A commitment to maintaining this new behaviour is, moreover in place. The person in question is now in the fifth stage – the maintenance stage. The person is committed to keeping the newly achieved change. The process has been a success but the process is not as yet, complete – there is one more stage to consider. The last and final stage is relapse.
Prochaska, et. al. except that falling back into the old patterns of behaviours, the behaviours the person wanted to change in the first place is inevitable. Relapses, however, needn’t be a problem providing the person in question learns from the relapse. A relapse, doesn’t mean failure, for example – just because a person has had a bit of a blip doesn’t mean they are incapable of changing their behaviour for good – they’ve had a blip, that’s all. We just need to review what went wrong, what lead to the blip in the first place and, more importantly what needs to be done to reduce the possibility of a relapse happening again in the future. In time the blips we will diminish and finally stop as the process of change becomes complete. Experiencing a blip or relapse is an example, in this sense of being knocked down following adversity but as Prochaska, et. al. have shown being knocked down needn’t be a certainty in times of difficult – we can, in other words learn to stay on our feet.
Duckworth, A. (2016). Grit. The Power of Passion and Perseverance. New York: Scribner.
Kelly, R. (2015). Thrive. Cambridge: Rob Kelly Publishing.
Prochaska, J.O. Norcross, J.O. & DiClemente, C.C. (1995 ). Changing for Good: A Revolutionary Six-Stage Program for Overcoming Bad Habits and Moving Your Life Positively Forward. New York: Harper Collins.
“No act of kindness, however small is ever wasted”
How many times have you given a gift to someone only to hear the other person say, “Oh, you shouldn’t have.” But why shouldn’t you? Why shouldn’t you give someone a gift – after all, we all enjoy giving gifts don’t we?
Most of us, interestingly enough, will admit to gaining significantly more pleasure from the giving of a gift then to receiving one. The enjoyment we feel in giving makes perfect sense when you think of it particularly if the gift isn’t materialistic – giving a compliment, showing gratitude and appreciation, helping others, the giving of our time, are all examples of what is referred to as altruism – the need we all have to look beyond ourselves and to consider instead the needs of others.
It’s worth considering, just for a moment, the purpose of altruism. It may of course be a part of our biological inheritance. The unselfish commitment we show to helping others in times of distress bonds us to those people making it easier for us to be accepted by them. We are social beings after all – we feel the need to support and to be supported by others. Its extraordinary how kind, compassionate and helpful people can be following, for example tragedies such as a terrorist attack or a natural disaster and yet altruism appears to be more than just a biological instinct – it’s more than simply an innate act, it also appears to be something we can learn. We can learn to be kind.
Psychological well-being, according to psychologist Carol Ryff (1989), consists of a number of components including environmental mastery (the ability to function within our environment), autonomy, a sense of purpose, personal growth, self-acceptance, and positive relations with others. To this, we could add the ability to be kind, and compassionate; to empathise; to see and appreciate situations from the point of view of others; to be understanding and forgiving; to give ourselves to others without asking for anything in return.
The psychological benefits to helping others has been well documented. It is well-known that happy people are far more likely to help others than unhappy people. Happy people are far more likely to check up on an elderly neighbour, to buy a homeless person a sandwich or a coffee; they are also far more likely to give their time to others, to go the extra mile at work without being asked to do so, and so on. Being kind also effects a person’s point of view making perspectives more charitable and generous. The homeless person who is given the gift of something to eat and drink may be perceived by the giver as a war veteran struggling with PTSD, the disengaged youth is someone struggling to find a purposeful sense of direction in life, etc.
Positive psychologists offer a number of evidence-based exercises designed to boost well-being through performing small acts of kindness. Sonja Lyubomirsky (2007) conducted one such research project. The project involved participants being divided into two groups – the participants in both groups were asked to perform 5 acts of kindness per week, every week for 6 weeks but with a slight difference. The first group were asked to perform these acts of kindness randomly throughout the trail period whereas the second group were asked to perform their 5 acts of kindness on one specific day each week.
At the end of each week the participants were asked to review their progress including the acts of kindness they performed including when they performed them and for whom. Examples included ‘gave blood’, ‘stayed with a friend on their first night in their new home’, ‘gave money to a homeless person’, ‘helped someone with an IT problem’, ‘visited a nursing home’, ‘washed someone else’s dishes’, ‘bought a friend an ice cream’, ‘let my sister borrow my car’, ‘sent a thank you letter to my teacher.’
The results were fascinating. All the participants benefitted from the exercise but those who committed their 5 acts of kindness during a single day reported a greater improvement in their happiness levels than did the participants who dispersed their acts of kindness throughout the 6 week period.
Lyubomirsky speculates that the reason for this is to be found in how and when we perform our acts of kindness as opposed to just performing them, per se. For example, most of us perform acts of kindness from time to time – we may hold a door open for someone, let someone go in front of us in a queue, allow a motorist to take the parking space we had our eye on, and so on. Performing acts of kindness such as these, though good for us won’t necessarily raise our levels of subjective well-being in any significant or meaningful way – any benefits we feel won’t last, they will quickly lose their effect. Acts of kindness in order for them to have a marked and significant impact need to be performed often and regularly not just occasionally. In other words, if you want benefit from being kind then you need to be kind often and not just occasionally.
So, the next time someone offers you a gift don’t say; “Oh, you shouldn’t have,” say, “Thank you, that’s very kind of you.” And take the time to enjoy, as the receiver, the same good feeling enjoyed by the giver.
I’m offering you the gift of this blog … I hope you enjoy it.
Lyubomirsky, S. (2007). The How of Happiness: A Practical Guide to Getting the Life You Want. London: Piatkus.
Ryff, C. (1989). Happiness is everything, or is it? Explorations on the meaning of psychological well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 6, 1069 – 81.
Research shows that the amount of positive emotion we create and maintain is related to how much choice we believe we have in our lives. Of equal importance with regards our happiness is how we manage our thinking in relation to the decisions we make with regards the choices we believe we have.
For example, in a fascinating series of projects participants offered the opportunity of buying food products were far more likely to buy one of the products on offer when they had only 6 samples to choose from in contrast to having the option of choosing between 24 – 30 (Iyengar & Lepper 2000). In another interesting example, individuals on being asked to choose a meaningful photograph of their time at university when allowed just a minute before making their choice reported being happier with their choice a year later then individuals who were given the opportunity of waiting 12 weeks before making their choice (cited by Style, 2011).
People, when it comes to the choices they make tend, according to psychologist Barry Schwartz to be either maximisers or satisfiers (Schwartz & Ward, 2004). Maximisers invest a great deal of time weighing up the options available to them before they make their decision – they maximise, in other words the choices available to them. A maximiser wanting to buy a new pair of jeans will visit a multitude of different shops, will try on several different pairs of jeans and will compare and contrast what’s on offer in relation to style, price and comfort before deciding which pair to buy. This may or not be significant as the person in question is only buying a pair of jeans but consider for a moment just how problematic the maximisers mind-set could be when it comes to choosing say, which job offer to accept, which house to buy, which part of the country to live in, what type of car to buy, whether to marry and have children or not, where to go on holiday, and so on. Having a great of deal of choice in matters such as these may appear a good thing but it can its drawbacks. Maximisers can for example, waste a great deal of time deciding what choice they should make and having made that choice will invariably experience a great deal of stress and anxiety worrying all the time about whether they have made the right choice or not. This in turn can lead to feelings of shame, guilt and regret. Needless to say maximisers are rarely satisfying.
Satisfiers, by comparison take a much more pragmatic approach to life – they are far more likely to make choices based on what they actually need not on what they think they need, are happy with having just a few options open to them and are often content with the choices they make.
Maximisers tend to be perfectionist in their thinking, worry a great deal about what others think of them, have unrealistic expectations both for themselves and others, and are constantly on the lookout for something better – what they obtain is never good enough. Satisfiers, by comparison, are easily pleased, they are grateful for what they have especially the simply things in life. For them ‘good enough’ is always ‘good enough’, they rarely compare themselves to others, have realistic expectations for themselves and others and always appreciate what they’ve got – as a result satisfiers tend to be much happier then maximisers. They may not be as wealthy, or possess as much in material terms as the maximiser but they are invariably better off in terms of their well-being.
Having choice and the time to choose needn’t always be a bad thing but it’s unlikely to have much of an influence on the quality of your life. Maximisers, for example are not very good at understanding what is genuinely good for their well-being or what will bring them a genuine sense of satisfaction and achievement both immediately and in the long term hence the amount of anxiety, shame, and guilt they experience (ibid. p. 101).
Choice, as Schwartz says is a paradox (Schwartz, 2005). We have a tendency to want more choice and yet the choices we are offered have a tendency to cause us more harm than good. Having a multitude of food items to choose from when visiting a massive out-of-town supermarket may appear beneficial but can actually be problematic; firstly, we can waste an unbelievable amount of time trying to decide what to buy, worry about whether we have made the right decision or not and invariably end up buying far more food then we actually need. We may think we want all the food we buy when we visit the supermarket but do we really need all that food? I don’t think so.
Most of us will experience the agony of choice at some point – believing that we really, really want something badly only to find that we quickly become bored or uninterested in the very thing we desired so much. Maxmisers will have a wardrobe full of shoes and bags they thought they wanted only to find that once obtained ‘that small object of desire’ is no longer desirable.
So, do you recognise yourself as a maximiser or a satisfier? If you are a maximiser than try the following:
- Don’t compare yourself to others, don’t hanker after what other people have, ditch your perfectionist thinking and accept that ‘good enough’ is ‘good enough.’
- Have high expectations by all means but make sure your expectations are realistic and well within your capabilities – it’s good to enjoy a challenge but whatever you want and whatever you need must be within your grasp.
- Celebrate what you have, be grateful for the small things in life, take your time and appreciate what you have.
- Don’t overly concern yourself with the choices on offer – make a decision and stick to it.
Now, I have a choice to make. Do I write another blog post or switch off my laptop and do something different. Whatever choice I make I’m sure it will the right one.
All the best and enjoy the choices you make.
Iyengar, S.S., & Lepper, M.R. (2000). When choice is demotivating: Can one desire too much of a good thing? Journal of Personality Social Psychology, 79 (6), 995 – 1006.
Schwartz, B., & Ward, A. (2004). Doing better but feeling worse: The paradox of choice. In P.A. Linley & S. Joseph (eds.), Positive Psychology in Practice. Hoboken, N.J: John Wiley and Sons, pp. 86 – 104.
Schwartz, B. (2005). The Paradox of Choice: Why Less is More. New York: Harper Perrenial.
Style, C. (2011). Change Your Life with Positive Psychology. Harlow: Pearson Education.
Committing to the process of change will be on the top of the list for many people entering the New Year – losing weight, stopping smoking, cutting back on the booze, getting more exercise, getting one’s finances in order will be right up there amongst the more popular of good intentions but good intentions count for little – it’s what we do that matters.
Making the decision to change isn’t, within itself difficult. Anybody can decide to change – actually knowing how to change and committing to that process is what determines a successful outcome.
Many people will commit to a New Year’s Resolution only to find that they are back to their old way of doing things within a few weeks. So, what’s the problem here? Why it so difficult to engage in the process of change and to see it through to a successful conclusion? Are people who struggle to engage successfully with the process of change simply lazy and lacking in motivation or is there something else going on here?
People may appear lazy and lacking in motivation – people can seem as if they lack will power, and are apt to give up without a struggle; but more often than not this is not the case at all. The majority of people would genuinely like to improve the quality of their lives but they simply don’t know how to do it – they simply don’t know how to engage successfully in the process of setting goals that really matter to them and sticking with them until the job is done.
So, if you want to change an aspect of your life, if you’re going set to yourself a goal to achieve in the New Year this is how to do it:
- Make sure you are intrinsically motivated: An intrinsically motivated goal is a goal that you want to achieve for its own sake – you’re not doing it for some external reward you way gain such as a medal, certificate, pay rise, promotion, and so on – you’re doing it because you genuinely want to. You are far more likely to achieve your goal if you are intrinsically, as opposed to being extrinsically Committing to a weight loss programme is going to be much easier if the desire to lose weight comes from within you – that the motivation to achieve the goal is driven by the personal satisfaction you will experience when you have achieved the outcome you have set yourself.
- Make sure it is your goal and not someone else’s: To be intrinsically motivated also means taking ownership of the goal. Doing something because someone else wants you to do is unlikely to inspire you in the long run – the goal must be something that you genuinely want to do for yourself. The goal, in other words, must be congruent with who you really are – it must reflect your beliefs, desires, wants and, most importantly, your values, and not someone else’s. Your goals need to be in harmony with, and not in conflict with what really matters to you. You are unlikely to stop smoking, for example, if you secretly enjoy smoking but agreed to stop because your partner wants you to stop.
- Be approach, not avoidance orientated: Your far more likely to achieve goals that are beneficial to you if you engage proactively with what you want as opposed to running away from, avoiding or seeking safety from what you don’t want. For example, setting a goal such as “I don’t want to be fat” suggests what you don’t want, i.e. not wanting to be fat. “I want to be a good weight and size and age” suggests what you want and represents therefore a much more positive and beneficial attitude. Being specific also helps. “I want to lose weight” is far too vague. “I want to lose 2 kg in 12 weeks” is specific.
- Choose just one goal at a time but make it interesting and a challenging: a goal which is too difficult to achieve will cause you stress and anxiety, but then again a goal which is too easy will bore you. Either way, you won’t feel like sticking with the process. Any goal you set for yourself must, therefore grab your attention, stretch you and challenge you. The goal must however also be realistic – you must able to achieve the goal. Failing to achieve a goal can knock your confidence, self-esteem and self-belief and could lead to a fear of failure. It’s important therefore that, not only do you believe you can achieve the goal but you must actually be able to achieve it – the success you experience will give you the self-belief and confidence needed to stay motivated and on target. An optimistic and hopeful attitude helps in this respect to build the resilience needed to deal successfully with difficult situations, and set-backs. The ability to keep going when the going gets tough is critically important. Resilience also enables you to build self-trust – you need to trust in your ability to achieve the goal. It’s also important to support yourself with positive self-talk throughout.
- Have long-term, short-term and immediate goals: Having a big long term goal is good but motivating yourself and keeping on track can be made easier by breaking down the big long term goal into smaller short-term and immediate goals. So, a big, long term such as wanting to lose 2 kg in 12 weeks can be broken down into wanting to lose 1kg in six weeks or a couple of pounds a fortnight. Tasting success early on in the process is critically important and recognising the small successes while you are on the journey to a major change is one of the best ways of doing this.
Answering the following questions might also help:
- What is it about the goal that makes it so important to you?
- When you think about achieving this goal how excited do you feel?
- What if anything worries you?
- How confident are you about achieving this goal?
- What barriers are you facing?
- What are you able to do to break down these barriers?
- What inspired you to set yourself this goal in the first place?
- What can you do you to keep yourself motivated?
- What personal qualities do you have that you can draw upon?
- What values of yours underpins the setting of the goal?
- What values of yours will keep you going until the goal is achieved?
- What resources do you have and which do you need to acquire?
- Do you need any support and if so in what form does this come?
- What will keep you going when the going gets tough?
- How will you deal with relapses?
- What are you learning about yourself and the process of goal setting?
We are all goal orientated and motivated by nature. It’s impossible not to think about the future and what it may hold for us. It’s also impossible not to be motivated. The question is, how much agency do you believe you have? How much control do you believe you have over the way your life is developing? Having a positive, optimistic believe in your ability to make things happens can make all the difference. All the best for the years to come.
We all care about the environment don’t we? We don’t want to mess it up and so we work really hard keeping it clean and tidy. We manage our waste and rubbish well getting rid of what we don’t want and recycling what we can.
But what about ourselves? If only we could manage our thoughts the way we manage our rubbish and waste.
If you could recycle your rubbishy thoughts the way you recycle your actual rubbish what kind of a difference would that make to you? Go on, give it a go, recycle your thoughts, turn them around, change them, improve them, make them bigger and better. Recycle your negative thoughts – turn them in something more positive and beneficial.
Your mind, after all is like most of your rubbish – it’s plastic. That means it malleable – you can bend it, shape it and change it. Go on, do it now – be a mind recycler.
Enjoy your day.
Whatever you do don’t think of a big piece of chocolate cake – a lovely big piece of chocolate cake with a nice blob of vanilla ice cream melting over the top . What happened? You found yourself thinking of a big piece of chocolate cake didn’t you?
The fact of the matter is we can’t stop ourselves thinking – we can try but we simply can’t do it.
So, we can’t stop ourselves thinking but what we do with the thoughts that pop into our heads is definitely something we have a choice over – we can either hang-on to the thoughts that pop into our head (if we want to), or we can simply let them go. It’s really up to us – it’s a personal choice each and every one of us can make.
Let’s say for example that an unhelpful, negative, thought such as; “I’m rubbish at maths” pops into my head. I may, of course choose to keep this thought – I can brood, ruminate and dwell upon this thought even though I know that doing so will probably make me feel worse or I can dismiss it immediately and replace it with something more helpful and beneficial such as; “Maths may be a challenge for me but I can improve simply by working hard, putting in the effort and persisting until I get the results I’m looking for.”
The first thought, “I’m rubbish at maths” apart from being negative is rigid, inflexible and offers no possibility of change unlike the second thought, “Maths may be a challenge for me but I can improve simply by working hard, putting in the effort and persisting until I get the results I’m looking for” which by contrast suggests a positive, optimistic, empowering way forward.
Positive thinking is clearly of value but what really makes a difference is learning to think positive, empowering thoughts consistently and continuously throughout each and every day. It can certainly help starting the day by asking ourselves an empowering question such as; “What kind of day do I want to have today?” And it can certainly help to end the day reflecting on the positive thoughts, feelings and experiences we have had but why stop there – why just start and end the day positively, why not get into the habit of thinking positively and optimistically consistently and continuously throughout the day – why not get into the habit of creating positive, helpful thoughts on the hour every hour. I call this your POWER on the HOUR. In time the habit of thinking beneficial thoughts constantly and continuously will become your default way of being and who knows, in time those pesky little nuisance thoughts may stop all together.
With warm wishes
Goal-Setting and Knowing What You Want
Goal-setting orientates us towards what we want, need and desire – it moves us from where we are (point A) to where we want to be (route B). Motivation underpins goal-setting – it is the driving force that gets us moving and keeps us going until we have reached the desired outcome.
However, simply wanting or needing something is not within itself enough. In order for us to achieve our goals a number of conditions need to be met – we need, for example to be clear about what it is we want or believe we need. We also need to know that we can achieve the goal we have in mind and have a clear indication of when the goal will be achieved.
Another defining characteristic of the goal-setting process is that it comes to a conclusion when the goal is achieved. Examples of the kind of goals we may set ourselves might include running our first marathon, losing 2 kg of body fat, moving to a bigger house, gaining a promotion at work, starting a family, learning to drive, completing a course of study, travelling to different parts of the world, and so on. The goal of running our first marathon will be achieved the moment we cross the finish line, the goal of learning to drive is accomplished the day we pass our driving test and so on.
Values – the Driving Force of Your Life
Values are different from goals insofar as a value is not finite, it is not achieved at some specific point in time as is the case with a goal. Excellence, courage, resilience, determination, kindness, forgiveness are, for example values. Values represents what’s important to us – our values also support our motivation. Our values motivate us – they motivate us to set the goal in the first place and, more importantly they keep us going even when the going gets tough.
Our success in life is also measured by the extent in which we live our values – we may or may not achieve our goals but as long as we are living our values we will be going in the right direction. We should, in fact, measure our success in life not by the extent in which we have achieved our goals but by the extent we are living our values. Let’s say, for argument sake I set myself the goal of running the London marathon in under four hours thirty minutes and I cross the finish line in four hours and twenty-two minutes. My goal has been achieved – that’s it, I’ve done it and I’ve got the medal, the certificate, the goody bag and the ‘T’ shirt to prove it (as well as the blisters and the nipple rash). I can tick that particular achievement off my bucket list and set myself another goal. However, underpinning my achievement were a specific set of values. These values included courage, determination, resilience, fitness, pride, camaraderie, persistence, effort, hard-work, fun, challenge, amongst others. However, values such as these are never fully achieved as such – there will never come a time in my life when these values cease to be of importance me. I won’t stop becoming determined just because I ran a marathon. Our values stay with us throughout our lives – they are the driving force of our life.
You may also find that the same values underpin and motivate you with regards a number of goals. If determination is a value of yours then you will almost certainly show determination in most areas of your life – you will show determination in the way you do your job, how you spend your leisure time, in the way you relate to your family, friends, and so on.
Motivation and the Commitment to Change
People will say they want to change some aspect of their life but they will also say that they struggle to engage in the process of change due to a lack of motivation. They may say they lack motivation but this is simply not the case. We are all motivated – it’s just a question of where we want to put our mental and physical energy. When I was teacher I often heard colleagues complain that their learners lacked motivation but the learners they were referring to where motivated – they just weren’t motivated to do what the teacher wanted them to do! A teenager may appear bored and disengaged in an English or Maths class and yet that same teenager will work as hard as they possible can during football training, while learning to DJ or rap, mastering a video game, amongst other things.
Any discussion of motivation would benefit from an exploration of what the word actually means. The word literally means to ‘stimulate towards action, to incite or impel.’ The process begins with the motive, desire, or inclination to do something – motivation is, more specifically the process of acting upon that motive. In other words, if you want, desire or need something badly enough then you will be motivated to get it. Understanding motivation as the desire to achieve can, however, be problematic insofar as people my feel they have to wait until they feel motivated to lose weight, get fit, find a new job, start a new relationship, and so on but this can be problematic. In other words, if you wait until you feel motivated to get going then you could be waiting an awful long time. In other words, don’t have to wait until you feel motivated before you get yourself going – you just need to set yourself a goal, identify the values that underpin the goal, commit yourself to achieving it and then engage in the process through taking positive, constructive action. Of course, any goal worth achieving is going to be a challenge and being challenged means stepping outside your comfort zone and stepping outside your comfort zone will, by implication mean experiencing a certain amount of discomfort. Most of us would rather experience pleasure than pain so it’s only natural that people will want to avoid discomfort. Imagine for a moment that it’s 6:00 in the morning on a cold, wet Sunday in the middle of winter and you are offered a choice – you can either have a lie in or go for a 10 kilometre run? If you waited to feel motivated to go for a run then you would probably be waiting a long time. However, let’s imagine you are genuinely committed to achieving a particular goal such as completing a local 10K race and you have a clear idea of the values which underpin this particular goal then you will probably have no trouble getting your running shoes on and heading out of the door. Even if you don’t particularly feel like going for a run you will probably do it because you have a goal you really, really want to achieve and, more importantly you have identified the values which underpin the goal and it is your values, remember that motivate you. You know you will experience some physical discomfort during the run including feeling cold and tired, you may even experience some mental discomfort as you ask yourself why on earth you are doing this but you will also feel absolutely wonderful when you get back home because you know, deep down that you are living your values! Having a lie in will bring you temporary pleasure but the experience will be short lived because the pleasure is relatively insignificant and isn’t congruent with what really matters to you. The satisfaction you experience living your values will, by contrast have a deep and lasting influence – it will endure.
So, what are your values? What matters the most to you? What goals could you set for yourself both in the short term and long term that would enable you to live your values?