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Resilience is Good – but Thriving is Better: How Staying on Your Feet Beats Bouncing-Back

 

James Woodworth, Cambridge. UK

We have all heard statements along the lines of; ‘It doesn’t matter how many times you fall … what does matters is how many times you stand up, shake it off and keep moving forward.’  This is an admirable attitude indeed – it reminds us that life can be challenging at times and that each-and-every one of us will face setbacks from time to time and, moreover that it isn’t the number of times we get knocked down that matters but the number of times we get back up again.

The above quote is a comment on the importance of resilience – a life skill described as the ability to bounce back from adversity.  Examples of the kind of adverse events a resilient person may find themselves bouncing back from would be; the breakdown of a relationship, financial hardship, redundancy, serious illness, losing one’s home, being physically assaulted, death of a loved one, and so on.  Some people will recovery slowly from such events, some people may not recovery at all – resilient people will recover quickly.

The ability to recovery quickly is good, but so is the ability to learn from our experiences – failing to learn valuable lessons following a set-back could result in us continuing to get knocked down when staying on our feet, under such circumstances, might be a better option for us!  So, perhaps it does matter how many times we get knocked down if being constantly knocked down means we’re not learning from our experiences.

That said, resilience is an excellent life skill to have, there is no question about it.  I like the idea of resilience and I have written favourably on the topic on numerous occasions.  I am struck, however by the emphasis that is placed on resilience simply being the ability to ‘bounce back’ from adversity.  And I’m wondering whether there are other psychological skills we could develop to help us succeed in the face of adversity in addition to resilience and its bounce-backability.

There is something to be said, I’m sure, for our ability, not only to bounce-back from adversity but in ‘staying on our feet’ during challenging times, a skill I’m sure we could all learn to do as we reflect on what resulted in us being knocked down in the first place.

When I think about resilience and the ‘bounce-backability’ associated with it I find myself thinking of a bobo doll, that weighted, pear-shaped doll that rolls back up into an upright position after being knocked over.  The bobo doll is a bit like a boxer who despite being knocked down time and time again keeps getting up.  A boxer, such as this, possesses a number of admirable qualities such as courage, determination, and of course resilience but the problem is he keeps getting knocked down!  He may of course get up and win but then again, he may not.  Now let’s imagine, for a moment the opponent he is fighting.  This particular boxer stays on his feet throughout the fight.  He avoids being hit while simultaneously hitting his opponent which eventually leads him to winning the fight.  This boxer also shows a number of admirable qualities – characteristics which keep him on his feet until he succeeds in his desire to win. He is a champion boxer who weights up the odds and triumphs over them.  Who would you rather be – a boxer who keeps getting up no matter how many times he is knocked down or the one who stays on his feet?

A winning boxer may avoid being hit but he isn’t avoiding being in a fight.  What interests me about this metaphor is the way a champion boxer can engage fully in what is clearly a challenging and demanding event – a boxing match while at the same time dealing with the event in a positive, empowering way.  In refusing to give in to the pressure of the event he too is showing resilience but he is also showing a number of additional qualities – so the question is, what additional qualities along with resilience could help us deal with the challenges of life?

Psychologist Angela Duckworth (2016) is fascinated by what determines success in life – why some people, when confronted by a difficult or challenging situation will succeed while others give up. Her research suggests that it isn’t simply how bright or intelligent a person is, it’s not talent or ability alone that determines whether a person will succeed in life or not – its GRIT!  So, what is grit?

Grit is a personality trait possessed by individuals who show tremendous motivation and determination to achieve the goals they set themselves in life and they continue to show these traits despite the obstacles, barriers or distractions they may face.  There are two defining characteristics gritty people have;

 

  1. a passion about the learning journey they are on, and;
  2. the ability to persevere until the goal they set themselves is achieved.

 

Gritty individuals also show tremendous self-control – they are able, in other words, to manage their thinking and emotions well.  It’s self-control that enables these individuals to avoid distractions and the temptation to give up when the going gets tough.  Gritty people, in other words, have excellent ‘stick-ability’ – they understand that the journey we take through life won’t be an easy one and that in order to achieve our potential we need to show tremendous determination and the ability to stick to the task in hand until the job is done.  Life, in this sense, is more like a marathon, then the 100 metres.

 

Grit’s about persisting in the face of adversity as opposed to simply bouncing-back from it – it’s about being consistent particularly during periods of great change and uncertainty.  Grit grows out of the beliefs an individual has about their ability to achieve particular goals even when the odds are against them.  Gritty individuals believe in themselves and in their ability to achieve – they don’t blame others when things go wrong, they take responsibility for their actions and they learn from their experiences particularly when things go wrong.  Those with grit learn, in other words, from their mistakes – failure is never an excuse to give up; on the contrary, it’s an opportunity to learn, improve and get better.

 

Another psychological quality worth having, in addition to resilience and grit is the ability to thrive. Thriving can be defined as the ability to experience life in an optimistic, confident, empowering way.  Thriving people are positive, confident and psychologically robust – they accept that life can be tough at times but this isn’t to say that the difficulties of life should be avoided.  On the contrary, thriving people face up to the challenges of life knowing they have the skills and resources needed to deal with whatever life throws at them.  Thriving people certainly have the resilience and grit needed to achieve and succeed in life but they also have so much more.

Thriving people believe they are fundamentally responsible for the course their lives takes.  Those who thrive, in other words, feel in control of their thoughts and feelings – life, in other words, is understood to be something that isn’t ‘happening to them’ but something they create through the way they choose to think and feel.  Thriving is about managing our thinking and emotions well and it is this ability thrivers have to manage their thinking well that enables them to take control of their lives.

The good news is we can all learn to thrive.  People aren’t born knowing how to thrive, it’s a skill we can all learn.  Learning to thrive gives us the skills and resources we need to manage our thinking well in potentially difficult times – this in turn reinforces the empowering belief that, not only can we deal with adversity but that adversity doesn’t have keep knocking us down.  On the contrary, believing we are indeed in control of our thoughts creates the belief that, not only can we stand up to, and confront adversity but we can ultimately triumph over it.  We wouldn’t get knocked down during times of difficulty if we genuinely believed in our ability to stand up to and deal with the difficulties life throws at us which is what thriving is all about.  And every time we stay on our feet during times of difficult, even if we do wobble at bit reinforces within us the empowering belief that we can, indeed control of our thoughts, feelings and behaviours.  The ability to bounce-back is good, having passion and perseverance is great but thriving is better.

Postscript: a word about relapse.

Psychologists Prochaska, Norcross, & DiClemente, (1995 ) offer what they call the six-stage programme of change. The process starts with the precontemplation stage – the person, at this stage of the change process may be aware they have a problem but they have no intention, at this point of changing their behaviour.  However, the person at some point in the future will move to the second stage of the process – the contemplation stage.  During this stage the person in question continues to be aware they have a problem but they still have no intention of changing, however, at least they are aware and, more importantly they are beginning to think about changing!  The third stage of the change process is the preparation stage.  The person is no longer simply thinking about changing – they have actually decided to change their behaviour, they seek out a professional helper and make a commitment to work with this practitioner.  The person feels focused and motivated – they begin to believe in their ability to change, and having made this commitment, the person now enters the fourth stage, the action stage, so called because the person has actively changed their behaviour.  A commitment to maintaining this new behaviour is, moreover in place.  The person in question is now in the fifth stage – the maintenance stage.  The person is committed to keeping the newly achieved change.  The process has been a success but the process is not as yet, complete – there is one more stage to consider. The last and final stage is relapse.

Prochaska, et. al. except that falling back into the old patterns of behaviours, the behaviours the person wanted to change in the first place is inevitable. Relapses, however, needn’t be a problem providing the person in question learns from the relapse.  A relapse, doesn’t mean failure, for example – just because a person has had a bit of a blip doesn’t mean they are incapable of changing their behaviour for good – they’ve had a blip, that’s all.  We just need to review what went wrong, what lead to the blip in the first place and, more importantly what needs to be done to reduce the possibility of a relapse happening again in the future.  In time the blips we will diminish and finally stop as the process of change becomes complete.  Experiencing a blip or relapse is an example, in this sense of being knocked down following adversity but as Prochaska, et. al. have shown being knocked down needn’t be a certainty in times of difficult – we can, in other words learn to stay on our feet.

 

 

References

Duckworth, A. (2016). Grit. The Power of Passion and Perseverance. New York: Scribner.

Kelly, R. (2015). Thrive. Cambridge: Rob Kelly Publishing.

Prochaska, J.O. Norcross, J.O. & DiClemente, C.C. (1995 ). Changing for Good: A Revolutionary Six-Stage Program for Overcoming Bad Habits and Moving Your Life Positively Forward. New York: Harper Collins.

 

 

 

 

 

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Oh, you shouldn’t have’: Why is the gift of happiness so difficult to accept?

 

“No act of kindness, however small is ever wasted”

Aesop

How many times have you given a gift to someone only to hear the other person say, “Oh, you shouldn’t have.”  But why shouldn’t you? Why shouldn’t you give someone a gift – after all, we all enjoy giving gifts don’t we?

Most of us, interestingly enough, will admit to gaining significantly more pleasure from the giving of a gift then to receiving one.  The enjoyment we feel in giving makes perfect sense when you think of it particularly if the gift isn’t materialistic – giving a compliment, showing gratitude and appreciation, helping others, the giving of our time, are all examples of what is referred to as altruism – the need we all have to look beyond ourselves and to consider instead the needs of others.

It’s worth considering, just for a moment, the purpose of altruism.  It may of course be a part of our biological inheritance.  The unselfish commitment we show to helping others in times of distress bonds us to those people making it easier for us to be accepted by them. We are social beings after all –  we feel the need to support and to be supported by others. Its extraordinary how kind, compassionate and helpful people can be following, for example tragedies such as a terrorist attack or a natural disaster and yet altruism appears to be more than just a biological instinct – it’s more than simply an innate act, it also appears to be something we can learn.  We can learn to be kind.

Psychological well-being, according to psychologist Carol Ryff (1989), consists of a number of components including environmental mastery (the ability to function within our environment), autonomy, a sense of purpose, personal growth, self-acceptance, and positive relations with others.  To this, we could add the ability to be kind, and compassionate; to empathise; to see and appreciate situations from the point of view of others; to be understanding and forgiving; to give ourselves to others without asking for anything in return.

The psychological benefits to helping others has been well documented. It is well-known that happy people are far more likely to help others than unhappy people. Happy people are far more likely to check up on an elderly neighbour, to buy a homeless person a sandwich or a coffee; they are also far more likely to give their time to others, to go the extra mile at work without being asked to do so, and so on.  Being kind also effects a person’s point of view making perspectives more charitable and generous.  The homeless person who is given the gift of something to eat and drink may be perceived by the giver as a war veteran struggling with PTSD, the disengaged youth is someone struggling to find a purposeful sense of direction in life, etc.

Positive psychologists offer a number of evidence-based exercises designed to boost well-being through performing small acts of kindness.  Sonja Lyubomirsky (2007) conducted one such research project.  The project involved participants being divided into two groups – the participants in both groups were asked to perform 5 acts of kindness per week, every week for 6 weeks but with a slight difference.  The first group were asked to perform these acts of kindness randomly throughout the trail period whereas the second group were asked to perform their 5 acts of kindness on one specific day each week.

At the end of each week the participants were asked to review their progress including the acts of kindness they performed including when they performed them and for whom. Examples included ‘gave blood’, ‘stayed with a friend on their first night in their new home’, ‘gave money to a homeless person’, ‘helped someone with an IT problem’, ‘visited a nursing home’, ‘washed someone else’s dishes’, ‘bought a friend an ice cream’, ‘let my sister borrow my car’, ‘sent a thank you letter to my teacher.’

The results were fascinating.  All the participants benefitted from the exercise but those who committed their 5 acts of kindness during a single day reported a greater improvement in their happiness levels than did the participants who dispersed their acts of kindness throughout the 6 week period.

Lyubomirsky speculates that the reason for this is to be found in how and when we perform our acts of kindness as opposed to just performing them, per se.  For example, most of us perform acts of kindness from time to time – we may hold a door open for someone, let someone go in front of us in a queue, allow a motorist to take the parking space we had our eye on, and so on.  Performing acts of kindness such as these, though good for us won’t necessarily raise our levels of subjective well-being in any significant or meaningful way – any benefits we feel won’t last, they will quickly lose their effect.  Acts of kindness in order for them to have a marked and significant impact need to be performed often and regularly not just occasionally.  In other words, if you want benefit from being kind then you need to be kind often and not just occasionally.

So, the next time someone offers you a gift don’t say; “Oh, you shouldn’t have,” say, “Thank you, that’s very kind of you.” And take the time to enjoy, as the receiver, the same good feeling enjoyed by the giver.

I’m offering you the gift of this blog … I hope you enjoy it.

James

 

References

Lyubomirsky, S. (2007). The How of Happiness: A Practical Guide to Getting the Life You Want. London: Piatkus.

Ryff, C. (1989). Happiness is everything, or is it? Explorations on the meaning of psychological well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 6, 1069 – 81.

 

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Be a Thought Recycler

We all care about the environment don’t we? We don’t want to mess it up and so we work really hard keeping it clean and tidy.  We manage our waste and rubbish well getting rid of what we don’t want and recycling what we can.

But what about ourselves? If only we could manage our thoughts the way we manage our rubbish and waste.

If you could recycle your rubbishy thoughts the way you recycle your actual rubbish what kind of a difference would that make to you?  Go on, give it a go, recycle your thoughts, turn them around, change them, improve them, make them bigger and better.  Recycle your negative thoughts – turn them in something more positive and beneficial.

Your mind, after all is like most of your rubbish – it’s plastic.  That means it malleable – you can bend it, shape it and change it.  Go on, do it now – be a mind recycler.

Enjoy your day.

 

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How to be Optimistic – James Woodworth Free E-book

How to be Optimistic – James Woodworth Click here for free ebook download

 

Most of us will find ourselves drifting, from time to time into negative, pessimistic, unhelpful thinking. It’s not easy recognising when we’ve fallen into the negativity trap nor is escaping it as straight-forward as it may, at first, appear. But this is not to say that each and every one of us can’t have an abundance of hope, optimism and positivity in our lives. Read on…

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Self-Efficacy, Motivation and Our Explanatory Style

 

What exactly is self-efficacy? Self-efficacy is the extent in which we believe we are capable of succeeding in any given situation.  These beliefs according to the American psychologist Albert Bandura (1986) determine our thoughts, feelings and behaviours – our beliefs, therefore have a huge impact on our motivation.

 

Have you noticed, for example, how difficult it is to motivate yourself to do something you don’t believe is possible? Our beliefs also influence our expectations – we have to expect things of ourselves before we can achieve them.

 

We may want to change but wanting to change and actually committing to change are too completely different things – we may have an idea of some goal we wish to accomplish but if we don’t believe we are capable of achieving that goal then we are unlikely to find the motivation we need to succeed (makes sense, doesn’t it?).

 

Whether a person can find the motivation needed to achieve the goals they set for themselves is determined largely, though not exclusively, by their self-efficacy.

 

Those with a strong sense of self-efficacy:

  • View a problem as an interesting challenge to be mastered.
  • Are determined and commit themselves to activities and interests.
  • Focus on what they have achieved as opposed to the mistakes they have made.
  • Are resilient and so recover quickly from setbacks and disappointments.

 

Those with a weak sense of self-efficacy:

  • Avoid tasks that are challenging.
  • Believe that difficult tasks and situations are beyond their capabilities.
  • Focus on personal failings and negative outcomes.
  • Quickly lose confidence in their personal abilities.

 

Another question worth considering relates to the origin of self-efficacy – where does a person’s self-efficacy come from?

Self-efficacy, like all personal belief systems is learned – a person’s self-efficacy is formed initially in early childhood but can continue to grow and develop throughout life depending on whatever events, circumstances or situations a person experiences.

According to Bandura, there are four major sources of self-efficacy.

  1. Mastery Experiences

The most effective way of developing a strong sense of self-efficacy is through experiencing success, “I did that.  Well done me.”

  1. Social Modelling

Seeing other people succeed is also important particularly if those who are succeeding are understood to be similar to us, i.e. “If she can do it so can I.”

  1. Social Persuasion

Praise, encouragement and constructive criticism can help overcome issues of self-doubt.  This can come in the form of positive feedback from others but can also be a part of a person’s self-talk, i.e. the things we say to ourselves “I’m improving in so many different ways.” “I can do this.”

  1. Psychological Responses

Our own responses and emotional reactions to situations also play an important role in self-efficacy. Moods, emotional states, physical reactions, and stress levels can all have an impact on how a person feels about their personal capabilities in any given situation. A person who becomes extremely nervous before speaking in public may develop a weak sense of self-efficacy in this particularly area for example.  However, according to Bandura it is not the intensity of any emotional or physical reaction we may have that matters – it’s how we perceive and interpret the event.  How we explain events to ourselves is hugely significant and impactful – it can make all the difference in the world between whether the adversity we face will defeat us or whether we rise up against it and triumph.   The psychologist Martin Seligman (1990) also stressed the importance of the way we explain situations to ourselves through a process he called our explanatory style.  It is not so much adversity itself that knocks us back but how we explain difficult and challenging situations to ourselves – whether, for example, we interpret the experience as being something that we overcome or not.  Having an optimistic explanatory style is not only empowering but plays a critical role in the development and maintenance of self-efficacy.

Reference.

Bandura, A. (1986). Social Foundations of Thought and Action. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall.

Seligman, M.E.P. (1990). Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. New York: Random House.

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Sugar and Spice and all things nice… what of ‘disgust propensity’?

By Rob Kelly

Sugar and Spice and all things nice…

SO, just what is the connection between muddy wellies and The Thrive Programme?

Modern life is all too trigger-happy on the germ-bashing front –  we all have an arsenal of antibacterial sprays, wipes and gels in our cupboards (and even our handbags) and some people are intent on living a super-clean and sanitised life.  Especially people with OCD and emetophobia for whom keeping clean can be a particular priority.

In our work as Thrive Programme Consultants, we notice that sufferers of emetophobia and OCD often have a very strong disgust propensity: that is a strong tendency to respond with the emotion of disgust to situations.  Dirty or disgusting things are commonly be met with a hysterical reaction of ‘eeeewwww’ and ‘gross’. People respond to a bit of muck by overestimating the risk of illness, and sufferers might even try to prevent themselves or their children from getting mucky or messy or use other ‘safety-seeking’ behaviours such as excessive hand washing or monitoring of physical symptoms.

Most of us were taught this disgust propensity by their own (often obsessive) mothers; and were brought up to be ‘sugar and spice and all things nice’ as young girls.  Identifying this as one of the root causes of your thinking problems can take you a step closer to recovery. Responding to dirty or disgusting situations with a calmer, more realistic approach can be really helpful, in place of aspiring to germ-free dazzling-white perfection and health-related anxiety.

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In taking people through the Thrive Programme, we may help you to challenge yourself in the face of something ‘disgusting’, and especially if you have a daughter, allow yourself to experience a little bit of muck, mess or disorder as it will benefit your mental well-being.  We advocate a responsible approach to health, hygiene and food preparation with the emphasis on as clean as necessary, not as clean as possible, and at no point will we suggest unnecessary exposure to risk or illness.

Getting outside and getting a little bit muddy offers a host of benefits; mud is ‘just clean dirt’ after all!

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Rob Kelly – in ‘Top 100 Health Gurus’, Top Sante Magazine

Rob Kelly, creator of the Thrive Programme appears in Top Santé’s list of the 100 top health gurus. The leading health and wellbeing magazine has compiled the list for its September issue, available now.

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5 Top Tips for Happiness – from Rob Kelly’s Thrive Programme

Thrive Top Tips for Happiness

1. Process the positive experiences in your life

This might sound rather obvious, but some people just don’t notice that they have lots of little positive experiences each day. Others diminish positive events and think about them in a powerless way (normally because they have many limiting beliefs about themselves). This effectively means that they receive little or no psychological benefit from the experience at all; it might as well have never happened!

Putting effort into thinking about your positive experiences over the last few days or weeks (no matter how small!) for just five or ten minutes every day can really help psychological wellbeing.  If your positive experience was something that you achieved, such as cooking a delicious dinner or going for a run, you can also remind that you brought about the experience, helping yourself to feel empowered and capable.

 

2. Build up the belief that you are in control of your life

Research has demonstrated that feeling powerful and in control of your life is one of the most important factors in psychological wellbeing.

People who feel powerless believe that their difficulties in life (such as phobias, fears, anxieties, depression, or lack of success) just happen to them! They think that other people, bad luck, or external forces cause these problems, or they don’t believe that they have the personal power to deal with any challenges. They, therefore, do not put much effort into overcoming their difficulties or making positive changes because they don’t believe that they can make a difference. They then become stuck with their problems, even when there is a lot they could do to change their situation.

People who believe that they are in control of their lives realise that many of our experiences in life come about because of their thoughts, feelings and behaviours. They feel empowered to make positive changes in their lives and they put in the effort needed to do so. Of course, there are some events in life that are not controllable but these people believe that they can still overcome these experiences.

When you think in a powerless way, you want to start challenging it! For example, if you think something like ‘I could never run a marathon’ change it to ‘I could run a marathon if I put in the effort to train hard.’

 

3. Mind your language!

Our language is a window, through which we can easily recognise our thoughts and beliefs. The language that we speak (both out loud and in our heads!) is an expression of what we think and believe. Not only this, but the words we use also then impact upon our thoughts, beliefs and emotions. If you speak and think negative, passive words, you will lower your mood, anticipate negative outcomes, make yourself stressed and feel powerless. If you use positive, powerful language, you will feel happier, anticipate positive outcomes, create less stress and feel empowered.

Pay attention to the words you use – either in your head or out loud – and change any unhelpful words for more helpful ones. For example, ‘‘it’s terrifying at the dentist, I’ll be a wreck’ could become ‘it’s a bit unpleasant at the dentist, but I can cope with it’.

 

4. Visualise what you want to happen in your life, rather than what you fear

When we picture or imagine a scenario happening in our minds, it is very similar to what happens with our language but the message is often much clearer. Many people who are unhappy or anxious project their worries, fears and limiting beliefs into visualisations or ‘fantasies’ in their minds. They often replay feared scenarios in their minds. This unhelpful rehearsal means that the person creates a great deal of anxiety, which then tends to make the feared situation far worse than it otherwise would be!

For example, if you have been visualising that an upcoming plane journey is going to be terrifying and that you are going to feel awful, you probably will! If you have been imagining the plane crashing you will be in a heightened state of awareness and when the plane jolts slightly on take-off you will immediately think, ‘Oh my God, I’m going to die!’ You will have built up a huge amount of anticipation that something will go wrong, and so normal flying experiences are instinctively interpreted as being frightening and threatening and you will have an unpleasant flight!

You want to be training your imagination so that you are always imagining and rehearsing what you WANT to happen, and NOT what you fear will happen. This works really well for social events and performance-related situations (going for an interview, giving a speech, overcoming a sexual inhibition, asking someone on a date etc.) but also for fears and anxiety-causing situations (flying, darkness, being alone, spiders, knives, snakes, lifts, tunnels, hospitals, needles etc.). Choose a couple of events or scenarios that you have been worrying and thinking negatively about. Find a quiet place (e.g. just as you go to bed, or when you are on a train to work, or when you are in the bath) and spend five or ten minutes on each scenario really visualising what you want to happen. The more you practise visualising, the easier it becomes.

 

5. Challenge yourself!

One of the best ways to feel more powerful, build self-esteem and gain a sense of wellbeing is to overcome challenges. So… set yourself a personal challenge that you are going to achieve over the next week or so. You want this challenge to be something that will be a little bit difficult for you to achieve BUT is something that you can do – if you put in some effort.

To ensure that you succeed, you want to think about what steps you are going to take to achieve your challenge. You want to have a ‘plan of action’ rather than just a vague thought that you want to achieve something.

As you work towards your goal, you want to keep encouraging yourself and praising yourself for the effort you are putting in. You want to realise that this effort will enable you to succeed and that you can do the same with other areas of your life. Once you have completed your challenge you want to recognise your achievement and say ‘well done’ to yourself for your hard work.

Rob Kelly

Creator of The Thrive Programme

 

 

 

 

 

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Rob Kelly – Thrive – in Health and Fitness magazine

In October’s Health and fitness magazine Rob Kelly, creator of the Thrive Programme, talks about the importance of an internal locus of control. Along with high self esteem and low social anxiety, developing an internal locus of control is at the heart of the Thrive Programme.

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HUFFPOST – Anxiety: What Causes It, How To Deal With It And Lead A Happier Life

Rob Kelly recently spoke to Huffpost Lifestyle about anxiety, what causes it, how to deal with it and lead a happier life.

As Rob says in the article

People tend to believe that anxiety is something that happens to them, so they often feel completely powerless to improve their situation. This, however, isn’t remotely true! Anxiety is created by people’s beliefs and ways of thinking. It is never the feared situation itself that causes anxiety, but the way in which a person thinks about it.

Read the full article here http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/09/05/anxiety-how-to-overcome-it_n_3872554.html

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